Sometimes, you just have to drink.

Last night wasn't good. M. and I got a bit of bad news on M.'s job front. It's nothing we can't handle, but it was a stunner nonetheless. I was supposed to go out with some awesome ladies, but I just couldn't bring myself to join in the festivities. I needed time to think and plan and coordinate in my brain what the next step was for M. and I. That took a couple of hours.

Then, I drank. I drank a lot. 3 dark beers and a shot of tequila. That was a lot for me because I drink like twice a year. I also smoked. I won't beat myself up about it this time, though. That isn't going to help me. I just need to deal with it and move on. M. and I also made a deal on the smoking thing. He's seen how upset I've been and he said that when and if I get AF and a negative POAS test, he'll give me two cigarettes to smoke. He'll keep the rest of them locked away in a hidden place so I can't find them. That seems reasonable to me. Some ladies drink on CD1, I will smoke on CD1. I don't find that unreasonable because I'll still be a non-smoker for the rest of the month.

Another reason I was drinking was because of my job. I'll preface this by saying that I love my job. I really do. It's a great place to work, the people are for the most part pretty awesome, the benefits are outstanding, and the work itself is just plain fun. However, TPTB (The Powers That Be) in the office have taken to handling one particular aspect of office politics in a very very poor way. When they lay someone off, they don't tell anyone. You'll just walk in one day, walk by the person's desk or office and it will be empty. This has happened several times in the last year or so and it's always off-putting. Your mind races in the following order:

1. WTF?
2. Where is this person?
3. Were they fired or did they quit?
4. Did I miss an "I'm out, Bitches." email?
5. If they were fired, what about my job?
6. Shit.

After that you find the nearest person and ask if they know anything. You keep asking until you find an HR person or someone who knows what's going on. It's scary. It's also easily preventable if TPTB would send out an email saying something to the effect that So-and-so has left to persue other opportunities, which is office code for "they were fired or laid off". I really have no idea why they don't send out an email because in these economic times, you don't want the good rats to send out their resumes and jump ship at the earliest opportunites because a whiff of layoff is in the air.

One last reason I was drinking and it's a stupid one, really. Januarys in Seattle are B-O-R-I-N-G. The Pacific Northwest is a beautiful area. There are lots of outdoorsy things to do. Not so much on the indoorsy things to do, however. There are hanging out with friends, museums, the mall, coffee shops where you can take a book and read, and movies. That's about it. There are very few farmers markets, festivals, or other cultural activities that don't require me to wear fancy clothes and makeup. I've basically been staying home on the weekends and it's starting to wear on me. I'm the queen of homebodies, too. I love staying home with M., the cats and my books. I just don't love it for an entire month. I also love hanging out with friends, but there are only so many times you can get together before even that isn't enough to keep your interest. That's no reflection on my friends or how fun they are. It's just the truth, Ruth.

We've been lucky this year that El Nino made an appearance and the weather has been in the 50s for the last month or so, but even so, that doesn't mean that there are more options for indoor activity, just that there are more options for outdoor activity.

And quite frankly, when you've grown up in the PNW, the majesty of the trees, mountains, lakes and hiking trails lose their sparkle. Unless you're in Forks, where people sparkle if they're vampires.

So last night, I just had to drink.