So we're at T-day +3. That's Twins Day plus 3 days for those of you not obsessed with Band of Brothers.
The shock still hasn't worn off. I wake up every morning and remember all over again. I must say, it's not an entirely pleasant feeling.
The last emotion I'm feeling right now is happiness. I was happy with the idea of one baby. That's really all we wanted right now. One now and we'll revisit finances in a few years and decided where to go from there. Damn you, efficient girly parts. ::shakes fist at girly parts::
A lot of people might wonder why anyone wouldn't be happy with a baby, let alone two. There are so many different emotions going through me right now that I can't separate them all into any sort of organized manner.
For my own sanity, I need to write these down.
Terror - From the moment I found out, the overriding feeling that I've had about this is terror. How are we going to pay for two? Healthcare? Childcare? Food once they're off the boob? Clothes once they grow out of any hand-me-downs? How am I going to handle working and being a mom? What will happen to my relationship with my husband? With my friends that don't have kids? When will I be me not just "mom"? What have we done?
Embarrassment - This one might come as a surprise, but when you're carrying more than one, people look at you differently. Almost like there's something wrong with you. M., bless him, decided to tell our neighbors about the twins the day we found out. Ever since then, the neighbors have been staring out the window at me every time I go outside. I can tell they're staring at me because our condos are very close to each other and, unless they're staring at my front door or the siding on our house, they're staring at me. I don't like being stared at.
I know there's more emotions in there, but I can't distinguish them right now. Of course, it is 5 AM and I've had to cut back on my coffee consumption. I'll write more later.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Obviously I can't relate to expecting twins, but I think the emotions that you are feeling are perfectly normal. Even with just one, I have lots of crazy thoughts in my head. I have no doubt you will love your babies with all your heart and soul. Hang in there! :)
ReplyDeleteI agree with Misha. I'm not pregnant with one, let alone two, but I'm terrified at the thought of just being pregnant, let alone everything else that comes with it.
ReplyDeleteI think with every big change comes the fear of the unknown. You guys will figure it out and you will get through it. It will probably be tough, but somehow, someway it will work out.
Like Misha said, "Hang in there!" :)